I am happy to report that I'm pretty much on an upswing. I'm kind of rocking my life right now. "In the Zone" if you will. I can attribute my newfound moments of utter nirvana to one thing - my children are in school from 8:30 - 3 p.m. everyday. Yes, I said it...every fricken' day! Don't get me wrong...I miss those little boogers like crazy (insert hysterical, crazed laugh), but I have to say it has allowed me the opportunity to learn some very important lessons about myself. It's given me a little "alone time" and "breathing room" to sit and ponder this world, this life, and my place in it.
Lesson #1 - GITPIP - Good In Theory, Poor in Practice
Once upon a time, long, long ago in a far away land called college, I had a cruel, evil college professor we loathingly referred to as "Guatney". If anyone ever asked about your classes for the quarter, you would simply say, "Well, I have Guatney." You would get that knowing look of understanding. A head nod with a slight frown and look mixed with both terror and understanding. It was kind of like having a disease. Not a sexually transmitted disease - but rather a disease that would kill you slowly...painfully. Any who, one of Guatney's favorite sayings was "GITPIP." For those of you who have never been afflicted by this horrendous disease, the literal translation is "Good in theory, but poor in practice."
During my career days in Chicago, I longed to be laid off so that I could stay home and raise my daughter. I wanted to ditch my career and be a stay-at-home mom - pronto! This going to work and leaving my kid at home business was not working out. As luck - and the changing economy would have it - my small boutique law firm was gobbled up by a huge monstrosity of an organization and I was "pink slipped" into unemployment bliss.
I have to admit, I was a little horrified when I woke up that first unemployed morning, with my 7 month old baby girl, and realized I would have to entertain and care for this child all day long. I mean, of course, it was a total blessing, but I seriously did not have the skill set to get started. This was not my strong suit. I was not a "classically trained" stay at home mom. I had no experience or role models to glean from. There were no board meetings in the living room, no Managing Director to tell me how to approach this little being, no timeline or instructions on how to be a successful mommy. So, initially, the whole experience was GITPIP - and that was with one child. Fast forward a move across country and the addition of two more little ones...the situation became even GITPIP- ier. And there in lays one of my first revelations. Some things in life are just good in theory, but poor in practice. You never really know what you are going to good at - you just have to keep on trying.
Lesson #2 - This too Shall Pass
Recognizing that you are not a supermom by nature is a little humbling. It can put you in a "dark" and lonely place. Don't get me wrong, some women are born supermoms. It's in their DNA. But for me, it was an acquired skill. Kind of like acquiring a taste for stinky cheese. Your first exposure is a little jarring. You are hesitant, but curious. Eventually you wish to try it again. It tastes a little better. And before you know it, you love the shit out of stinky cheese. In fact, it no longer stinks at all - it is fricking fantastic! Even the smell starts to smell better!
I am coming to the realization that while I might not have been the most "natural" mother of infants and toddlers...I kind of "rock" the kid phase. I am absolutely fascinated with their little minds, ideas and chit chats. I love their little presence when they run through the door after school and devour the snacks I have waiting for them - all while telling me about the miracles of their day. I love their stinky little corn chip feet (because they refuse to wear socks with their shoes). I don't know, I really love it all right now. I may have struggled with it before, but I am experiencing parental and domestic nirvana at this moment in time. It has certainly reinforced the tried and true mantra you hear from older, wiser mommy ancestors - that, this too, shall pass. And it does. I know now that if I have a difficult period in marriage, motherhood, or life...with a little time, effort and perseverance, it will pass and beautiful things await you.
Lesson #3 - The Things that Fulfill You
Thank God we all have different friends in our lives who serve vastly unique roles. I have one friend in particular who likes to ask me the big questions. Really big questions. Questions so large and open-ended that I don't even have answers to them when she initially asks them. I am certainly not a deep thinker. I, however, am really good and quick to respond with answers to such questions as:
Is there something in my teeth?
Did you fart?
Should we grab a cup of coffee?
This friend likes to take me off guard with the really big questions in life. What fulfills you? What are you passionate about right now? What do you want to accomplish in this world?
I'm glad I have her in my life because she really does make me think. Granted, I have been thinking about these questions for months now. The answers were not easy to come by and I have a feeling I have only begun to scratch the surface in my initial responses.
What fulfills me? Right now, at this very moment, I love taking care of my family. I think that's exactly where I am at in my life. It sounds a little June Cleaver, but I love taking care of my husband, my kids, my home...my family. I am loving that I am starting to put into practice, what I always thought was good in theory.
What am I passionate about? My family, my friends, my children's education, travel, this community that I live in, life experiences...things that I am surrounded by at this time in my life. This is what I am passionate about right now.
What do I want to accomplish in this world? If I had to answer that right now...I would say it's all about giving and doing for others. It's realizing that the world is vast and peoples needs are great. There is so much to share with others. When we think we have it bad, there are countless others that have it worse. It's about doing SOMETHING - big or small - everyday that makes a difference in someone's life. It's really not about what we do for ourselves, but rather what we do for others. It's about being a little more selfless in a selfish world.
In pondering these big questions and my evolving answers, I wanted to create this new blog - The Giving Project. I want to explore small and big ways to give back to others. Please take the time to read these posts, re-post these posts, and comment as to how you did something Big or Small this day to make someone's day a little brighter.
And with that, I would like to thank you my friend, for always asking me the BIG questions!
No comments:
Post a Comment